


married to the moon

by flowery



Category: NCT (Band), NCT Dream
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, HAPPY RENJUN DAY, Hurt!Renjun, M/M, Marriage Proposal, One Shot, The Author Regrets Everything, i guess, i'm on quarantine and i'm bored, renmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:01:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23268130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowery/pseuds/flowery
Summary: "the day after you stole my heart, everything I touched told me it would be better shared with you. so, renjun… would you marry me?"
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33





	married to the moon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [frenco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/frenco/gifts).



> i tried to write this after listening to like 3 sad songs so don't expect a lot from me  
> also this is my first time posting one of my works so please be nice <3  
> suggestions are welcome

while his friends were inside of his house waiting for him to go and celebrate his birthday, renjun was lying down on the grass, looking at the sky, the stars, the moon

_the moon_.

if someone who didn't know him looked at him, they'd probably think he was alone, enjoying his free time and getting inspiration from the night.

but he was not alone. the moon was right there, and it made him feel full of happiness.

_"it reminds me of you,"_ he thought.

for the past 3 years, he has been doing this every night, just like he did when he was with jaemin. 

_"it feels different without you. but i know you're still here. i know you'd be happy knowing i'm still doing this even if you're not physically here with me"_

renjun knew that someday, he would have to stop. but he didn't want to let jaemin go. not yet. he wanted to remind every single thing they did together, because he will never get a chance to do that again.

jaemin and he had been best friends for almost 5 years, then started to fall in love, got into a relationship and almost got married.

_almost_.

_"it's not my first time being here but i can't help feeling like i have never been here before. maybe it is because you're not here, somehow. maybe it is because i have new feelings that remind me why i keep coming._

_because i love you, and i miss you."_

suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by doyoung's voice, asking him to go inside.

he could hear jisung and donghyuck talking, too. he couldn't help but remember this deep conversation he had with jisung and donghyuck the other day.

_"so, you're telling us you won't do anything this time to celebrate your birthday? again? don't you think it is about time to get over some things? leave memories in the past, make new friends, stop doing some things and try new stuff…? "_ donghyuck said, while holding his hand.

renjun gulped. _"what are you talking about, exactly?"_ he pretended he didn't understand the point of what he said. 

jisung interrupted. _"hyuck, leave him alone…"_

_"what? why? renjun, you know what i'm talking about. you know that i love you and i want the best for you. it's been 5 years already since you two chose a different way. you deserve a good life and i'm afraid you aren't following the right path"_

renjun was at a loss of words. he didn't expect donghyuck to say something like this.

_"we chose? it seems like you forgot the reason we're not together anymore. i didn't expect you to be this insensitive."_ his ears turned red, and his voice got deeper. he was definitely mad. and disappointed, too.

maybe hyuck didn't choose his words wisely. it really made him look like an insensitive person. worded differently: like a fucking idiot.

_"i told you two to stop."_ jisung interrupted again, but this time he continued his sentence. _"think before opening your mouth, hyuck. i know it is not your intention to make renjun feel bad, but try finding better words. we both want the best for him."_ he said, looking at hyuck. he noticed how renjun took some distance from hyuck. when he turned around to see renjun, he didn't even need to hear him explicitly saying he was devastated. 

he believes that our eyes say what words can't express. that's exactly what renjun did when their eyes met and he felt a wave of sadness coming from renjun's place.

_"as i said, both of us want the best for you. but we can't tell what's the best for you, because we don't share our emotions. i am not inside your head to feel what you feel. none of us experienced something like this. but it's okay._

_you have to do what your heart tells you to. it's okay if you want to do this for the rest of your life. i will… we will understand your feelings. do things that make you feel comfortable. baby steps, remember?"_

baby steps. he said the same things 5 years ago, renjun thought.

jisung tried his best to let him know his feelings were valid. you can't tell someone how to deal with a situation like this if you have never experienced it, at some point. he doesn't need to explain a lot, though. renjun is doing well, he's still here and he continued with his life, even though at the end of the day he felt empty. but he tried, is trying, to keep living. without making that situation look like an obstacle to improve and be a better person.

_"i do not know how you feel, and i do not know what you expect from us, either. but i can assure you that your feelings are valid._

_it's okay to avoid some things. it's okay to go back and remember nice moments. we know it hurts because he's been with you for years, and you do not forget someone like him in a few months."_ he finished.

_"you do not need to forget him, though. it's impossible. but you need to focus on making new memories with new people… i think you're ready. but if not… we will wait._ ” hyuck gained strength and spoke. he knew he really fucked up with his last words, but he didn't mean it in that way. he's sorry and wants to let renjun know he will always be there for him.

_"we are just suggesting you organise a small reunion with your close friends. nothing else. but it's okay if you don't want to. just let us know."_ jisung added.

_"if i change my mind, i will send you a message."_ renjun said.

renjun really did his best to improve. of course, the first month was rough and it almost made him fail his final exams but he managed to focus and graduated. it was good to know that, at least, one of his wishes came true: graduating as a graphic designer.

his friends were really proud of him. 

but, as said before, at the end of the day, when he lays down on the grass, and looks at the moon, his chest feels empty again, it's only after a few hours that he feels strong enough to get up and end his day.

and he admits his friends are right. maybe it is time to let go or change some things. 

but he feels that celebrating something as important as his birthday without him is something he doesn't deserve to do.

his head is full of beautiful memories of jaemin.

jaemin smiling, eating, crying, acting like he's mad. he remembers everything about him, every moment shared with him.

like that time when they traveled to another city to help jaemin on his final project. he still thinks that touring the city together while holding hands, laughing and, sometimes, kissing, when one of them looked extremely cute to the point they couldn't help it, made him feel like he belongs to wherever jaemin is… right next to him.

when night came, they went to a park to feel the gentle wind and enjoy their last hours there. 

they were looking at the sky, seeing how precious stars are. their eyes met, and jaemin started talking. 

_“we should do this everyday. it feels nice. to look at the stars and know that i don’t need to search for the brighter star because you’re right next to me.”_ he said, while leaving a soft kiss on renjun’s forehead.

_“cheesy._

_but let me say that you're like the moon to me. i know you're there even if i can't see you”_

suddenly, jaemin stopped looking at the stars and remembered why they came here.

he didn’t come here to finish a project, he came here to propose. 

_“the day after you stole my heart, everything I touched told me it would be better shared with you. so, renjun… would you marry me?"_ he said, while holding one of renjun’s hands, showing him an engagement ring.

renjun replied without hesitating. _“of course. i would marry you even in my next life.”_

when they got back to their city, renjun told everyone the notice. he couldn’t expect that everyone already knew it! 

turns out jaemin had been planning this for the past few weeks, and asked advice from all their friends. 

he reminisces about the time when he first met jaemin; and he’s still in awe of how far they’ve come. 

then, he goes to jaemin’s place to spend the night with him. it’s not until he finds himself between jaemin’s arms, laying down in the bed and playing with his hair, that he realises he has never loved anyone like he loves his boyfriend. 

jaemin would risk it all to make renjun happy, too. 

_“i love you, renjun.”_

_“i love you even more, jaemin.”_

then, he comes back to reality. he comes back to a reality when he can’t hear jaemin’s laugh anymore. he can’t kiss him nor hold his hand, either. but, the worst part is that they can’t get married. 

now, he just has his memories and a wedding ring that symbolizes their endless love for each other.

all he can do is lay down in the grass, look at the sky and talk to the stars, hoping that someday jaemin will hear him again.

_“you taught me the courage of stars before you left._

_and told me the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes”_

he whispers, and decides to take off his engagement ring, while holding back his tears.

but… after all these years… it doesn't change anything. jaemin was gone.

_jaemin has died._

**Author's Note:**

> songs:  
> sleeping at last - saturn  
> alice kristiansen - moon and back  
> bruno mars - talking to the moon  
> arctic monkeys - fire and the thud


End file.
